Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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