just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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