dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
