thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
