he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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