I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
