drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
