she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
