Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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