i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
