i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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