If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize