Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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