Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
