I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
