arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
