You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize