I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
