i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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