I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
