dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
