Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
