I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize