The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
