Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
