She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
