Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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