lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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