but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your penis caused this!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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