It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
