So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
