he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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