i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
