ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
