Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
