Can Purell be used as lube?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
