I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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