Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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