So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
