and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
