New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
