you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize