the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
