Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
