You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
