I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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