make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
