I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
