Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
