She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
