If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
