now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
