I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
