There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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