I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
