'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
