Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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