Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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