being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
