I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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