so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
