she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
