He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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