I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
