On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
