every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize