What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
