Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
