at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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