You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
