can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
