just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize